The longing for a tall, dark and handsome other half has been replaced with golden, smitten and waggy. All over social media, Gen Z are now lusting after so-called “golden retriever” boyfriends: a romantic, sensitive, kind and loyal genre of man, who always has enough energy to make up for everyone in the room.
Celebrity editions of this archetypal man of the moment include Zendaya’s husband and Spider-Man star Tom Holland, who’s been seen beaming on the red carpet as soon as he spots his wife arrive, and Dua Lipa’s new husband Callum Turner, who was spotted dancing with the “Levitating” hitmaker under the Eiffel Tower. See also Mr Taylor Swift (Travis Kelce), whose limitless puppy dog affection for the singer has somehow won over one of the most intense fandoms on the globe. And Swift herself, as the pair are due to be married this week.
Honourable mentions also go to actor Pedro Pascal, “I’m Just Ken” singer and La La Land actor Ryan Gosling, and (somewhat surprisingly) Prince Harry, who has been given the friendly, outgoing and, well, highly-trainable label, while Meghan has been dubbed the opposite by the TikTok anthropologists – a black cat; mysterious, independent and slightly aloof.
While the trend of attaching an animal equivalent to celebrities and those around you is, on one level, silly and playful, the way Gen Z are choosing to categorise themselves and their prospective partners does speak volumes about the current dating landscape.
The aforementioned golden retriever attributes offer a notable antithesis to the type of persona seen across social media from manosphere creators, who seem to think showing signs of affection or pride in the partner is a sign of a “simp” or beta male. It is, of course, this narrative that makes golden retriever men so desirable and remarkable. Among female friends, these characteristics are the norm, but among men, basically, the bar is so low that mere kindness is now congratulated.
open image in gallerySimultaneously, there is a danger that accompanies having a so-called golden retriever partner, depending on what that actually looks like when it plays out offline. If your partner is very happy-go-lucky, you might feel like you’re doing all of the emotional heavy lifting. When someone is very content to go with the flow, they may not make plans or express their own opinions.
“What makes it tricker if you’re more of an ‘independent dater’ type, preferring to have a bit more space to yourself, and not having a partner that’s overly attached to you,” says Dr Lalitaa Suglani, relationship expert at eharmony. “We found that many singles over 40 are actively prioritising independence (40-47, 47 per cent / 50-59, 46 per cent) alongside connection, which reflects more of a desire for both support and flexible bandwidth for their own personal growth,” she adds of the platform’s research.
“A partner who challenges you in a healthy, respectful way can help you grow as a person, which is especially important later in life, when people bring more lived experience into new relationships. Being with someone who encourages growth or reflection and brings new perspectives (which, for those re-entering the dating scene later in life, can be a challenge in itself) helps you avoid falling into old habits, particularly after a previous long-term relationship or marriage,” Suglani explains.
A partner who challenges you in a healthy, respectful way can help you grow as a person, which is especially important later in life, when people bring more lived experience into new relationships
Dr Lalitaa Suglani, relationship expert at eharmony
On social media, the tide is already turning with some users expressing discontent over immaturity and neediness. One video on TikTok, with close to 160,000 likes at the time of writing, has coupled golden retriever attributes with a degree of weaponised incompetence. “Golden retriever men paint themselves as fragile so they always get the benefit of the doubt,” one woman claimed.
Meanwhile, relationship coach Greta Bereisaite added that red flags of these kinds of partners include: people-pleasing, co-dependency, and disregard for personal boundaries.
“This can get overwhelming over time, while in the beginning it seems loving and cute,” Bereisaite notes in her own video. “Unless you love someone being glued to you, the man is not for you.”
Some women added that, actually, they prefer Doberman boyfriends, someone intelligent, energetic and fiercely loyal, instead. But, regardless of the breed everyone’s projecting onto, what’s clear is that sincerity, warmth and kindness are still lusted-after qualities – regardless of what the manosphere might try to claim instead.
open image in galleryHolland caught attention when he refused to steal Zendaya’s thunder by walking the red carpet alongside her: “It’s not my moment; it’s her moment. If we go together, it’s about us,” he affirmed. Turner turned heads when he revealed he was willing to fly across the world just to spend a couple of days with Lipa: “It’s never not worth it,” he said.
Meanwhile, Gosling became the internet’s favourite boyfriend when at the Golden Globes he said of Eva Mendes: “While I was singing and dancing, playing piano and having one of the best experiences I’ve ever had on a film, my lady was raising our daughter, pregnant with our second and trying to help her brother fight his battle with cancer… Sweetheart, thank you.”
A landmark survey of over 64,000 women across 180 countries, conducted by the University of Göttingen and the female health app Clue in 2019, found that almost 90 per cent of women rated one quality as their top priority when selecting a long-term partner: kindness.
It doesn’t matter if the internet is anthropomorphising dogs, cats or birds – that desire is happily cross-species.