My ex-wife and I broke up a few years ago and eventually got divorced. It was amicable to a degree, but she drove the separation and I felt she was never fully committed and always worried that she’d made the wrong choice by marrying me.
She met someone else quickly and they had a baby. She always wanted kids, but it never happened for us.
She’s now split from the father of her child and we’ve met up for the odd dinner, coffee dates and had a few walks in the park with her son.
It’s been nice to reconnect, especially as I haven’t had a serious relationship since our marriage ended. It feels familiar and nice, and I enjoy her flirting with me.
Things came to a bit of a head last week when we met for a drink after work and she asked how I’d feel about us trying again. I didn’t see it coming and didn’t know how to respond, so I laughed and said something like, “Yeah, that would be a bad idea”.
I’ve been thinking about it a lot and what if it’s not such a weird idea? We get on and I never wanted to end it. What do you think?
Well, maybe this is a situation where you’ve both realised what you’ve lost was good. However, before you jump straight back into it, I think there’s a lot more talking to be done. You need to talk about the baby and the situation with his father, and you also need to find out more from her about why she wants to try again. Why does she think things will be different now?
I’m guessing one of the things worrying you is that now her relationship with her son’s father is over, she’s feeling lost and you provide familiarity and stability, so you have to talk about those fears too.
I don’t think there’s any rush. Carry on meeting up and see how things develop. You need to date again like you’ve never been married to work out how you really feel.
Parenting can be hard on relationships, so you have to ask yourself if you’re willing to take that on. What happens if the relationship hits a rough patch – will she walk out again?
If you’re having doubts then trust your gut. Maybe you’re missing the familiarity of the relationship rather than your ex. If you’re serious about reuniting, think about doing it with the support of couples counselling.
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