A nurse who watched her three-year-old “miracle” daughter die in a hospital bed while doctors fought to save her life has written a memoir to remember how she lived.
Catherine McAllister, 43, said she wanted the book “to show that love does not end when someone is gone”.
The Shotts nurse and first-time author hopes her memoir, ‘Because She Was Here: A Memoir of Love, Loss and Resilience’, ‘brings comfort to anyone who has experienced the loss of a loved one’.
And she plans to raise as much money as possible for Scotland’s only bereavement suite at her book launch.
Her daughter Ellie had to fight for every second of her short life. When Catherine was eight months pregnant she was told by doctors that her daughter was not ‘life compatible’ after a scan detected a shadow on her brain.
Catherine was urged to get a termination but refused. After being induced she then had to watch as Ellie was given scans and checks.
She was told by doctors that Ellie would never walk or talk – but despite her health problems she went on to be a bright, bubbly little girl with an infectious smile that touched everyone who met her.
Tragically, in 2007, she died aged just three years old after a complication with her shunt related to her hydrocephalus.
“I thought when they came to get me she would be fine, but they were trying to resuscitate her, and I watched as they called the time of death,” she told Glasgow Live.
Catherine admits it was “horrendous, unimaginable” – and it was even more challenging as she found out she was pregnant again just days later.
She moved away from her home in Arran and went on to have three children with her partner, as well as training to be a nurse – something she admits was inspired by Ellie.
“Watching the doctors trying to resuscitate my wee girl and just being helpless to do anything was a horrible feeling and I never wanted to feel like that again,” she says.
She went on to serve in a high dependency unit in Wishaw during the Covid pandemic, something she admits was “horrendous”.
And when she split from her husband, she was left to rebuild her life all over again, she says.
View 3 ImagesCatherine McAllister(Image: WSH)
She had started writing memoirs around 2017, to help with her mental health, and decided now was the time to put them all together.
And after showing her work to friends she was encouraged to self-publish the memoir, as a tribute to her daughter and a way to show people there is always hope.
“Losing my daughter was unimaginable and you feel so alone,” she said. “The book is to give people a little bit of hope, let them know they are not alone, that these terrible moments won’t define the rest of your life.
“Ellie’s memory has helped me through the worst times – she showed me what unconditional love meant, and she was always smiling despite everything she went through. I always told myself if she can do that then I can as well.”
View 3 ImagesCatherine McAllister’s new book(Image: WSH)
Now living in Shotts with her three children Ryan, 18, Archie, 12, and Grace, 9, she says they have grown up always knowing about the sister they never had a chance to meet.
“Ellie is still a big part of the family – her birthday was December 2, and when she was in nursery school she made a Christmas tree topper which has her hand print as the hands and her footprint as the feet, so now every year we put the tree up on December 2 and put on the topper to remember her.”
The book has been recognised by the Scottish Parliament, after Motherwell and Wishaw MSP Clare Adamson raised a motion recognising the book launch and asking the parliament to “commends Catherine for sharing her family’s experience with honesty and compassion in the hope of supporting others affected by bereavement.”
The emotion also noted that her book launch at the Station Hotel in Shotts, raised funds for the Bereavement Suite at University Hospital Wishaw to support other families facing the unimaginable.
The MSP urged parliament to “applaud Catherine’s commitment, both as a bereaved mother and as a nurse, to giving back to a service that has supported so many families, and wishes her every success with the publication and the fundraising event.”
*Don’t miss the latest headlines from around Lanarkshire. Sign up to our newsletters here.
Article continues below
And did you know Lanarkshire Live had its own app? Download yours for free here.