While the majority of Britain was rejoicing at the lifting of pandemic restrictions four years ago, Clare Butler experienced quite the reverse – she was too frightened to venture outdoors. The 49 year old suffers from fibromyalgia, which left her consumed by pain and struggling with weight gain that triggered profound embarrassment and shame.
She was additionally grappling with years of trauma that intensified her anxiety. Clare is a mother of two, but endured 19 devastating miscarriages before having children, an ordeal that left her petrified something might happen to them.
“I didn’t want to be seen outside the house so I would stay at home while my husband Karl would take my children out,” she said. “I felt like life was leaving me behind.”
Clare, from Manchester, is speaking following a new report which revealed four in five Brits (82%) feel embarrassed or self-conscious about their bodies, whether relating to hair loss, menopause, erectile dysfunction – or their weight. The research from digital healthcare provider Voy discovered that over two-thirds (68 per cent) say these feelings impact their daily lives, shaping everything from clothing choices to social interactions.
View 5 ImagesClare used to weigh 18st and was a size 24(Image: Cover)
At her lowest ebb, Clare was completely reliant on Karl, and lost all her friendships. The TikTok shop affiliate and mother to Hope, 14, and Sonny, 12, says her health started declining due to fibromyalgia approximately nine years ago. “It was just an awful time. I didn’t know what was wrong. I was in all this pain. I was tired all the time, and I was just affected in every aspect of my life.”
The condition left her battling chronic widespread pain, severe fatigue and restricted movement. Simultaneously, her weight climbed as she sought solace in comfort eating while spending increasing amounts of time confined indoors. As the pounds piled on, she discovered that even during better periods, she felt too embarrassed about her appearance to venture outside.
“When I did go out, I felt as if all eyes were on me all the time. I was very self-conscious. I was having really bad panic attacks and IBS left me with bowel problems, which left me scared to leave the house. It affected my relationship with my kids, my husband, my family, my friends.
“I don’t have any friends left now, because I think they just all got a bit fed up with making arrangements and canceling at the last minute. When I did leave, I had to know exactly where I was going. I would do the school run, pick up Karl from work, but the shopping, extracurricular clubs, and everything else was left to him. And there were no trips to the park.”
“I wouldn’t want us to leave the house together. And when we did, I was on high alert all the time,” she recalls. As her mental health deteriorated, Clare completely isolated herself from society. “I didn’t want to be out in public. I felt ashamed of the size that I’d become. I felt ashamed of the nerves I felt. I couldn’t even hold conversations with people, because I had withdrawn so much.
“Everything just felt too much to cope with and I was frightened that I was going to have a panic attack in front of someone. It was overwhelming.”
At her peak weight, Clare tipped the scales at 18 and a half stone, wore a size 24, and spent her days eating continuously. “I would have two or three packs of crisps, one after the other. I wouldn’t even taste them. It was chocolate bars and biscuits, family-size bars of Cadbury’s. I would sit and eat a full bar while watching the TV in the evening, alongside a bowl of nuts. I was just constantly eating.
“Then I would lie in bed at night and hate myself for doing it. I just felt like I was failing at everything and that life was passing me by. What was more upsetting for me was that I felt like my kids and my husband’s life was passing them by, and it was because of me, and that’s why I hated myself. I just thought they’d be better off without me.”
View 5 ImagesClare is now a size 14 and loving her body(Image: Cover)
The pivotal moment arrived in June 2024 following a visit from a hairdresser friend who revealed he’d successfully shed weight using Mounjaro. “I did a deep dive after that and I was anxious about taking it, but I thought nothing could be worse than the life I was living,” she explains. She registered with digital healthcare provider Voy, where she also began working alongside an online health coach to better understand her emotional eating patterns.
From the moment she began the injections, Clare noticed the relentless preoccupation with food had vanished. “I used to wake up in the morning thinking about what I was going to eat that day. But with the injections, that food noise just went away. It was like somebody switched off a switch in my brain. It was completely life-changing.”
She reveals the medication also had a profound impact on her anxiety. “After feeling out of control for so long, I felt in control again. Within four weeks, I felt like a completely different person. My confidence and spark came back.”
View 5 ImagesClare says she ‘felt like a completely different person’ after just four weeks(Image: SWNS)
Clare has shed six and a half stone, dropping from a size 24 to a size 14 and — despite no longer tracking her weight on the scales — says she is happier with her body than she has been in years.
“This was never about being skinny, it was about feeling healthier and getting some weight off so that Fibromyalgia wasn’t so controlling of my life.”
While she continues to manage ongoing pain, Clare says her symptoms are far more bearable and she has not suffered a single IBS flare-up since beginning her treatment. “I am much more confident about going out now. I’ve been to Disneyland Paris with the kids. We’ve been on holiday. I will go shopping now with Karl or will go out with the dogs. I’m definitely more active. The pain is still there, though it isn’t as bad as it used to be.
“And now the shame has gone. Having that brain space to focus on what I can and can’t do, has been amazing.”
View 5 ImagesClare says her confidence and mental health has also improved(Image: Cover)
Remarkably, her marriage – which had been pushed to the brink during those difficult years – has now improved beyond recognition. “The way things were caused a lot of tension. It put a lot of strain on our relationship. I sometimes wonder how we got through it. Karl has always been very supportive of me but I think it got to a point before I started on my weight loss medication, that we were at a breaking point in our relationship.
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“I felt like I was wasting his life. And I kept saying to him – take the kids, go and live a life without me. I just felt like I was holding everybody back.”
Her family life, she says, has now been completely transformed – as has her relationship with her own body. “I was totally ashamed of my body before. I hated myself. I wouldn’t look in the mirror. I would get dressed in the dark. I would never let my husband see me without clothes on, or getting in the shower.
“But now I love my body. It’s curvy and it’s got wobbly bits, but I love it, flaws and all.”