I’m a man in my early 40s, divorced with two children, and have been dating my girlfriend for 18 months. She’s 34 and we met online, but the relationship isn’t making me happy any more and I don’t know what to do about it.
I’m the sort of person who likes being in a relationship and I find it hard to end things, even when the situation is toxic. My current girlfriend is perfect in lots of ways – fun, independent and smart – but she wants nothing to do with my kids.
She desperately wanted her own children, but has fertility challenges and the stress of trying for a baby broke up her last relationship.
You’d think she’d be happy that I have kids and would want to get to know them, but she seems to actively dislike them. She never wants to spend time with them, so I don’t see her when they’re with me.
When it’s just the two of us, it’s great, but my kids aren’t going anywhere, so I don’t see how this relationship can work long term. Whenever I try to talk to her about it, she gets defensive and annoyed. What do I do?
I think you know what to do. If she can’t accept your kids, it’s never going to work. I’m not sure that she hates your children – it sounds as if she doesn’t know them very well – but she might feel some jealousy around your relationship with them.
The situation may well trigger sadness because it’s a reminder that she doesn’t have her own children and how badly she still wants to be a mum.
But these are her issues to work through and maybe she’s not ready to be in this type of relationship if she’s carrying lots of unresolved feelings about. So, you need to make it clear that your children are your priority and unless she can get on board, then the relationship has no future.
As much as you like her, even love her, what you feel for her will never compare to the love you have for your kids.
Trust me, they grow up so fast and, before you know it, they’ll be moving out to live their lives independently. Don’t compromise the time you have with them.
If it comes to ending the relationship, there’s no easy way to do it, but you have to think about yourself and definitely about your kids.
Right now, your girlfriend doesn’t seem willing to try.
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