Dawn French has said “suicide lives in my brain” after her father took his life when she was 19 years old.
The actor, best known for playing the chocolate-loving Reverend Geraldine Granger in the hit sitcom The Vicar of Dibley, opened up about her father’s death in a new interview.
Her dad, Denys, who worked as an RAF engineer, died by suicide aged 45 in September 1977. French was 19 years old at the time.
“Suicide lives in my brain in a way it might not for somebody who hasn’t experienced it so closely,” she toldThe Times. “And as I’ve got older, I want to talk about the big things. I set out to write something I’m a bit afraid to admit: that getting older is difficult, end of life is difficult, suicide is difficult.”
French, 68, is tackling themes of loss and suicide in her fifth novel Enough. Set in Cornwall, where the actor grew up and has lived for the past 20 years, the book follows the character of Etta who is planning to take her own life.
With Etta being the exact same age as French, the actor clarified that her character is not based on herself. “I don’t want people to think that I’m writing my plan – I’m not,” she said.
French said that in the process of writing a novel about suicide, however, she has “faced a lot of my thoughts and fears about it”.
“It’s helpful to put your face in the s*** and then come up and breathe fresh air afterwards,” she added.
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On the reasons why someone would choose to die by suicide, French said: “What more selfless act could you make than sacrifice your life so that your children don’t have to deal with the crunchy, grim part of it?”
“As I approach older age I do think about it. I don’t think I would ever make this choice, but I can understand why someone would,” she continued.
Elsewhere in the interview, French spoke about the long shadow her father’s death has cast on her life and how it impacted the tone of her new novel.
“All those stages of grief – from being perplexed to sadness, anger, understanding and forgiveness – I think you have claimed the right, a little bit, to write about this with some… Optimism is the wrong word, but with some positive aspect to it,” she said.
open image in gallery“Although part of the process of understanding suicide is to go through the rage about it and to say, ‘You selfish f***er, how dare you do that to us?’ And I certainly went through that for a while. But very quickly I thought, ‘Yes, but my dad wouldn’t be that selfish. So let me try and reframe this. Let me think it through further.’”
Enough is French’s fourth novel, following 16 years after her first – A Tiny Bit of Marvellous – was published in 2010. Her 2008 memoir Dear Fatty was a huge success, selling 800,000 copies to become the highest-selling celebrity memoir of that year.
If you are experiencing feelings of distress and isolation, or are struggling to cope, The Samaritans offers support; you can speak to someone for free over the phone, in confidence, on 116 123 (UK and ROI), email jo@samaritans.org, or visit the Samaritans website to find details of your nearest branch.
If you are based in the USA, and you or someone you know needs mental health assistance right now, call National Suicide Prevention Helpline on 1-800-273-TALK (8255). The Helpline is a free, confidential crisis hotline that is available to everyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
If you are in another country, you can go to www.befrienders.org to find a helpline near you.