With a desperately sad anniversary looming, Kelsey Parker is determined to find the positives in what she calls “another really sad, heartbreaking year.”
The 36-year-old widow of The Wanted singer Tom revealed last June that the baby she was expecting with partner Will Lindsay – a son they had already named Phoenix – was stillborn at 39 weeks, compounding an already devastating few years of loss.
Ahead of the traumatic milestone, the podcaster and actress has opened up to OK! about enduring yet more agony, while trying to remain upbeat for the sake of her family. “I’m doing better,” she says. “All you can do is look forward. Last year was really tough, but I’m still here, I’m still living. I still have two healthy children, so I think you can only move forward and look forward.”
At the time of Phoenix’s death, Kelsey posted a poignant poem online titled ‘Born Sleeping, Forever Loved’. It was accompanied by a caption that said, “Phoenix Parker-Lindsay, you will forever be loved.”
5View 5 ImagesKelsey shared the news of her stillbirth with fans(Image: being_kelsey/Instagram)
5View 5 ImagesShe shared the news on social media(Image: @being_kelsey/Instagram)
The stillbirth happened some three years after Tom died of an inoperable brain tumour in March 2022, aged just 33, which left her to raise their two children, Aurelia and Bodhi, alone. And with the loss of Phoenix leaving another vast hole, she and Will have been tested in ways they could never have imagined.
“It’s been a real struggle, we’ve both grieved in completely different ways, and that has been really tough,” she says. “What’s been tough for me is, obviously, when I lost Tom, it was just me and I had the kids, and I was like, ‘Right? I’ve got to do this, and I’ve got to be that.’ With Will, I’ve had to be really supportive and be there for him, as well as myself.”
Kelsey suggests that the grieving process may be different for fathers, saying, “Mums have carried the baby and have that connection to the baby the whole time. It’s grown in you for nine months… I think it’s just really hard for dads, and I don’t think they don’t talk like mums.”
As a way of channelling her pain into something productive, Kelsey is fundraising for organisations including baby loss charity the Lily Mae Foundation as part of a football match held annually in Tom’s name.
The charity game on May 17 will see celebs including Jake Quickenden, Traitors star Leanne Quigley and Kieran McCartney from The Apprentice pulling on their boots to support the cause. Held at Bromley FC in Kent, it will be the fourth annual game in memory of Tom, who died following an 18-month battle with a glioblastoma – a rare form of brain cancer.
View 5 ImagesTom Parker died of an inoperable brain tumour in March, 2022
At the time of his death, Kesley wrote a touching tribute on Instagram which said, “Our hearts are broken, Tom was the centre of our world and we can’t imagine life without his infectious smile and energetic presence.” She added, “We are truly thankful for the outpouring of love and support and ask that we all unite to ensure Tom’s light continues to shine for his beautiful children.”
She and Tom first met on a night out in 2009 before he found fame with The Wanted, and she once described their connection as “love at first sight.” After a two-year engagement, they married in Surrey in 2018, with Tom’s bandmates Max George and Jay McGuinness both there to witness them walk down the aisle.
In June 2019, Kelsey and Tom welcomed daughter Aurelia, now six, before Bodhi, five, arrived in October 2020. Today, Kelsey makes sure she keeps their dad’s memory alive through “happy” daily conversations with them both, as well as through discussions with Will.
“People say time is a healer, but does time heal?” she says. “I don’t necessarily know if it does. I think you learn to grow around your grief. I still feel exactly the same now. I just can’t believe it’s been four years and how much my life has changed, and everything I’ve been through.”
But while she and Will were left reeling when Phoenix died, she says they have become stronger both as a couple and as a family unit. And Kelsey – who co-hosts the Mum’s the Word podcast with Georgia Jones – says she will always consider herself to be “a mum of three.”
View 5 ImagesKelsey’s boyfriend has established a close bond with their kids(Image: ITV)
The prospect of having further children is of course a sensitive one, but she says, “We would love to have more. The children wanted Phoenix so badly, and it was going to be the light at the end of our tunnel… but it’s not actually happened that way for us. I do think the children would definitely want a sibling.”
Although Kelsey has received unwavering support and love from friends, family and fans in recent months, she reveals she also received “a lot of negativity” when she moved on from Tom and fell pregnant with Phoenix. Cruelly, some social media users used the opportunity to bombard her with nasty messages – even while she was battling grief for a second time. One vile post even branded her baby loss “karma” in a particularly appalling attack.
But as Kelsey says defiantly, “This is a little message for the trolls: You have to be accountable for what you say to people because anything you type and you put out, that’s gone out to the universe.
“I try and push the negativity to the back of my head because I think, ‘how could you be so cruel?’ I honestly believe some people think I’m milking it. That’s the kind of reaction I get. It’s like, ‘Oh, she’s still there, milking it.’ Can you not see all the positivity? Even when I’m talking about Tom, it’s to do a charity football match to raise awareness for brain tumours.”
Despite all she has been through, it seems Kelsey is simply not to be beaten. “I don’t need people’s pity and sadness,” she insists. “This is my life, and I’ve been thrown these cards, and I’ve got to deal with it.”
With the memory of both Tom and baby Phoenix still burning brightly, she adds, “I am so grateful for the position that Tom actually put me in, of giving me a voice and letting me do stuff that I enjoy. Getting to do my podcast, interviews and motivational speaking – everything I’m doing at the moment is literally because of Tom and the life we lived together.”
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Tom Parker’s Charity Football Match is taking place on Sunday May 17. Tickets and further info available here.
If you have been affected by this story, advice and support can be found at Sands (stillbirth and neonatal death charity). You can call them on 0808 164 3332 or email helpline@sands.org.uk