I’M a woman in my 30s and I decided to leave my long-term partner before I found out I was pregnant. I’d already moved out when I told him about the pregnancy, which I’m happy about. Instead of reacting calmly and trying to figure out how we move forward, my ex was furious, calling me selfish, cold and manipulative.
It’s exactly this kind of reaction that made me want to leave him in the first place. Towards the end of our relationship, we rowed constantly because he was so argumentative and nothing was ever right or good enough.
I’ve also been surprised by how some family members have reacted to the baby news. They’re happy of course, but they keep asking me if I’m sure I’ve done the right thing by leaving my partner and if it would be sensible to get some couples’ counselling and keep trying now there’s a baby on the way. I’m trying hard not to lose it with them.
My friends have been good, though, and have said they’ll be there to support me, which is something. I just wondered if you had any advice for navigating this. The pregnancy wasn’t planned, so it’s been a lot to process.
I THINK you need to be really firm with your family and shut down any talk of getting back with your ex. The problems in your relationship were significant enough for you to walk away and now it’s all about how you manage things going forward, and that’s what you’d appreciate their support with.
As far as your ex goes, what he needs to accept is that a baby will not make those problems in your relationship magically disappear. It would only add more pressure and you’d be bringing a baby into a toxic environment. It’s OK for him to express sadness and regret that the relationship didn’t work out, but it feels like he’s blaming you for creating this situation and is not owning his part in the breakup (or the pregnancy!). If he’d agree to it, some relationship counselling could be a good idea – not to get you back together, but to help you get to a better place as soon-to-be parents of this child.
Who knows, maybe when the baby arrives, it’ll help him to grow up a bit and start taking responsibility. In the meantime, focus on yourself and your pregnancy, and accept all the support that’s being offered. Good luck.
Article continues below
Get more Daily Record exclusives by signing up for free to Google’s preferred sources. Click HERE.